Sleeping is awesome

It is so funny how somebody such as myself, who has spent their entire life avoiding sleep, now seeks it out. I have always thought of sleep as such a waste of time and really never needed anything more than say about 3-4 hours. Now at this stage of my life I have finally come to appreciate what it can do for you. I would like to thank anybody and everybody who prayed for me that I might get the sleep that I needed.

Desperate for Sleep

Okay, now it has become concerning. I have not slept in I can not even tell you how long now. I believe a week. I am really starting to loose it and am asking all who would to pray that the Lord allows me to escape the pain and my mind so that I might get the rest I so desperately need. If anybody else is going through similar issues I am praying for you as well.

Humor in lack of sleep

Well golly gee Wally, I have not slept in I have no idea how long anymore. I believe it is very good that I have never required much in the way of sleep, so my mind has been able to relatively keep itself together. Well, up until today. I have caught myself having strange daytime mental escapes. I was wondering only Famous people are considered to be assassinated and everybody else is just plan out murdered. Disturbing though, but one I had none the less. Than I have really been trying to figure out one of lifes biggest mysteries. What came first, The chicken or the chicken-hawk? And, if I were a cartoon, would I be a funny or action character? And what would I look like?
I have come to realize that sleep, as I have always suspected and felt, is a complete waste of valuable time, but how nice it can be.

Sleep is so elusive

Oh my goodness gracious. No matter what I try I can not get past this pain enough to get any sleep. I am truly starting to feel a bit disconnected from myself and am starting to become a little worried that exhaustion will get the best of me and make me worse for the ware. Not that I can imagine to much more that my body can do to me to make me feel any worse. But, as I always say. I am alive so automatically it is a good day and I have the Lord in my heart so it becomes an even better day. I am just asking that any and all of you please pray that the Lord might allow a small amount of rest. At least enough so that I may escape this feeling of insanity.

Daily thought and Challenge

I have often what women really want from a man. Do they desire a man who is capable of sharing emotion? How come so often though men who share their emotions with a woman they think of him as having issues. Does a woman want a man who is rugged, or does she want more of a modern, metrosexual type? I have started thinking about the type of woman I desire, and wonder if I would be her type in return.
I really would love to have somebody to dance with in my living room, hold close while watching a movie, or play flirty eyes with across the couch while we work or read.
If you have somebody you are sharing your life with, I challenge you to do something completely spontaneous and out of the norm. Now, if you are like me and have nobody currently to do this with. Be adventurous and approach somebody you otherwise would not normally and see about getting coffee.

Insanity

It has been quit a few days since I have been able to sleep. The pain makes it so that I can not even get a little rest lately. This is funny though. Last night I let my dog pepper out while I was smoking. She would not leave the porch because of the snow and I looked down at her and said "You should go the bathroom before I go in." Suddenly at that exact moment I heard, "I don't really want to." Thinking that I had just officially lost my mind and looking back down at her, I said in a very scared and nervous voice, "Whhaaat?" Then, suddenly from behind me I heard a voice again and realized my neighbor had come outside and was on her phone. I started laughing and realized how terrified I had become that my dog had just spoken. Exhaustion can play really very funny tricks on your mind.

Crack Up

Have you ever caught yourself laughing and can't even explain it to yourself why? I laugh for all sorts of reasons, but my favorite is when I have no reason at all. I laugh from stress, anger, sadness, and obviously from something funny. The idea that laughing is infectious is great. Add a smile and a laugh to any face and you have beauty. When was the last time you laughed? Was it at something, yourself, or for no reason what so ever? When was the last time you made somebody else laugh? When was the last time somebody made you laugh?
Tomorrow as your day goes by, see how many people you can get to smile. The following day see how many people you can get to laugh. Can you get 10 people to smile? Can you get 10 to laugh?
Do you have any sure fire ways to get people to smile and laugh?

My Baby is so funny

Can she be any more funny. She is crazy "just like her dad" as she always says.

Inbetween Moments

Caught in the middle of neither here nor there. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. These things are said when life gets difficult. The negatives people speak of in there life just provokes more negativity. Why do we do that to ourselves? I thought the human being was suppose to try and improve itself and its environment? So why do we just keep digging our holes bigger.
I am simply at the beginning of a new adventure. The possibilities have just become larger. I am only going to use positives. I have always been one to look on the brighter side, and I am not going to let that slip away.

Morning Thought and a small Challenge

I woke this morning thinking about creating something from stone. Have you ever sculpted something? Painted a picture, or wrote a poem? I challenge myself and anybody else, to try something creative over the next couple of days, and post it. So, lets see what I make and I'll show it to you when I am done.

How do you find them?

Do you have a picture of the perfect person for you? Are they faceless? It is so strange to have dreams about somebody I have never met and enjoy the dream (except for the faceless part). I have the perfect woman imagined, not perfect in everything just perfect for me. How do I find her though? Do I just keep moving forward and hope she shows herself? Do you believe that when you meet them you know it instantly? Could I already know her? All these questions can drive you insane weither you are searching for Ms. or Mr. Right.
I have decided that the best way to find her is not to look. When you search for something you often times look right past it. So, for the sake of my sanity I am going to leave it to fate. Well, to an extent. You always need to do your part to insure it happens.

Working on a PLAN

I try to take stalk of my life by reviewing it. So many things I have accomplished and yet so much left I wish to achieve. Does my physical issues stop me ever being able to capture my dreams, or do I push through and take them anyways? I have always wanted to be with a woman who loves me. When I say that, I mean truly truly loves me for me. Somebody who supports me, inspires me, comforts me, and who loves the fact that I will do the same for her. Is that a goal? I think it is as much as a goal as striving to raise my daughter knowing that I love her unconditionally and desire only the best things for her. To teach her how to be self-assured and confident without crossing the line into arrogance. To be somebody who views the world as something wonderful. Leading her in respecting and taking care of others.
I want to be back into really good physical condition. To be good at everything I try, because I try. Can you tell me how you keep your focus?

Captivated

Has something ever just so excited you that you would have said you had been captivated by it? That feeling that you are witnessing something that most will never be able to understand or ever see. I have been watching the Olympics and realized why and for the first time, people get so into them. You are viewing history often in the making. It might never change the course of war, cure something, but it will inspire.
What have you done to inspire others? Has anybody ever truly inspired you?

My Puppy Sgt. Pepper

I am aware what a dork I am at times, but thats just me.

A good morning thought and challenge

I just finished the other posting and thought to myself that I am going to start writing every morning (hopefully, might be late morning) my early morning thoughts, but include a challenge. Now, I got this Idea from a very talented womans blog sight. Every Wednesday she has these posting simply titled "Wednesday Thoughts". She is so very humorus and often easy to relate to (Not to Girl oriented for my taste). I am not looking to do the exact same thing obviously, but when I just finished it was what made my mind think that it would be what makes me continue.
Now, if ever somebody cares to do any challenge I would find it awesome if from time to time you would comment on how it went or maybe a new challenge for us. Have a great day and hope that you see the beauty of the day.

What does this day have in store for me?

Okay, I'll be honest I had zero sleep. Pain was just to much and it has kept me up. I tried to sleep having nothing on to distract me. Oh well, luckily it is so very rare for me to be tired from it. My tired is just from what is physically exhausting. I will say that it is always nice to have a new opportunity with a new day. I see so many who take for granted life, love, and everything in between. When you wake thank the Lord for the Bad or difficult things as well as the Good. Praise him for the breath in your lungs and the beats of your heart. Thank him for the people you are able to love and those who actually choose to love you in return.
I am excited to see what shall come to me today. Will it be difficult? Will I meet somebody new?
I challenge you to do at least one random act of kindness everyday and say hello to at least two strangers today.

Is Humor my defense

I am always being referred to as a very funny person and started to ask myself why everybody would think that. It strikes me that I find humor funny. What? Things I think of I often ask people. Example you want, well you can have. I was pondering recently what would happen if all the people in the world were to all jump at once, so I asked everybody I talked to for a week (well with some I guess other strange questions). Like who would win in a fight, Taco vs. Burrito?
I find it funny how with OCD, ADHD, and RSD as things I suffer from that I still can't make my own initials work SMO (Stephen M. Oakes) sounds like I'm a sucker. Wait, I think I had a point at one time here but lost it, oh well time to at least try for a little sleep. My puppy little miss SGT. Pepper is waiting.

Onset of an evening and the braking of Morn

I watched as the sun started to lay her face behind the ridges of the mountains. Praised her and God for the glorious colors she lights the sky with as she departs from us for her short while. Watching blues turn to pinks, reds, purples, oranges, and every color but green. I wonder why she has never used a green that I have ever seen. Is green a color she allows earth to share. I thank God and her for saying goodbye to us like that and Love that she reintroduces herself every morning with an amazing area of colored light show again.

How far is it?

Remember when life was simple. Childhood offered so many beautiful ignorances. Yet all we wanted to do was grow up. As an adult I often hear people say how they wish they could be a kid again. Not me, yes there was some good points, but I think we can still have them. I enjoy cartoons, real funny movies, and when physically possible playing in the tunnels at Chuck E. Cheeses. Next time you and some friends are near a play ground, stop and play Lava (you know, when you play tag, but can't touch the ground, cause it's LAVA). Play hopscotch, buy a slinky and see if you can get it to go. Play marco polo. Remember that being playful is what childhood should be about. Be carefree as often as possible. Remember that what you are stressing about can't be improved by stressing and most likely that situation won't even be memorable, so let it go. Make your life have good memories, cause it is all in your hands. God has given a beautiful life and the ability to make what we can of it. So, how far away is childhood, as far as your desire is.

Somebody else

As I have been going through other bloggers, I have discovered a few that are obviously very intellegent and creative. It is wonderful to see what people have to say and how they do so. I came upon one in particular who I find to be very funny, (if you would like to know just ask). They write of many random things, but have the ability to keep it all very cohesive. They are such a talented writer also very attractive from their picture. The thing is is that they are so funny I find myself reading through older ones. I am still so new to this and have not yet found my pace or voice. I also hope to be able to have anybody who might stumble across this help me as I try to create a very personalized site. So if you know how and feel up to helping email me @ jamesdean5s@yahoo.com.

What can be fun and what can I give her

Spend the day going to bookstores and sit in the cafe reading
Take the puppy for a long hike.
Surf, Skate your Long Board, Snowboard, or Bike
Eat a whole B&J chunky munky with nobody taking it away
Watch the same movie twice
Come to think about it, you can do everything and anything by yourself, but it is almost always so much more fun to share it with somebody. Man oh Man, I am such a sap, no wait, I am simply overly romantic. The reason I probably have nobody. I can't even start a relationship unless I know that romance will be a major part of it.
I can promise devotion, compassion, passion, truth, faithfulness, to never call a name (cause you can never take it back), Love, loyalty, Being a Man (and a sexy one at that), and a creative, motivated, and absolutely funny person. The problem I just can't to find somebody who can give me the same (well, except for the Man part I want the WOman). Also faith is so very important to me. He comes first than Ms. Perfectforme.
If anybody reads this, and think of a lovely woman, who must be single, pretty, funny, and intelligent, have her call me. If you don't keep life open to possibilities you will never get what you want.

What is in Store?

I just don't have a picture of what life might have in store for me anymore. I can't say that that is a bad thing, just unusual. I think of how my desire is to find Mrs. Rightforme, Restore my health some how, and just move forward. Right now having the physical issues has made my life feel as if it is in a hold pattern. I am such a unusually Optimistic person and have had a little difficulty lately keeping that up. With out somebody special, besides obviously my daughter, family & friends, I mean the other half of me, I feel that there is a space or void in my life. The weird part is that I never have had that feeling before.
I wonder what the Lord has in store for me in regards to where I shall live, what company I will create, and how I might help others. I am alive though so possibilities are still endless.

Off to the Docs

I am off to my Doctor of Pain Management as I do every month. It is heart wrenching most of the time because all it ever seems to be anymore is getting my scripts. I don't want to have to take these meds anymore, but I'm afraid that if I didn't I would never be able to get out of bed ever (even though I have days when I'm stuck anyhow). I pray that he will have some new ideas for me. Keeping my prays high and my fingers crossed. My buddy Bob will drive like usual. I can drive myself only very short distances.

My Brothers & Best Friends

Looking around

So I have been exploring other blogs and have found that mine is severely lacking. I just have no idea how others do it. I guess I need to start putting some effort in mine. Really though, not another soul has every treaded on my site. This is for me to try and work things out for myself, but it could be fun just to make it as cool as I can.

The Pain of just being here

I can't stand this anymore. I've been in 24/7 pain for over a year with no improvement just gets worse. I can't do anything but try to not end it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Will I ever find Her?

I have always wanted to meet the love of my life. I had the perfect one for me years ago, but the Lord called her home. Since then I've looked everywhere and still haven't found her. I want someone to grow old with, to love with all I am who can give the same back. Maybe its not my time but I hope soon

At this point in my Life

You know at this point in my life I've done so many things wrong, I'm not sure I can do things right. I've had a rough life and haven't at this point in my life ever step out of the shadows while I look for my life. I've been climbing mountains but mostly stumbling down. Right know I do the best I can. Before I take another step or make any more promises, I need to forget about my past. At this point in my life I just need to make a significant change. The search for an honest life is all I really need wether I find it or not. I seek redemption, but the Lord has already given it. At this point in my life, how do I make something different of myself. Pain controls my every movement and resentment and confusion control my emotions. I want so badly to move on at this point in my life. Right know, I'm doing the best I can.

Is there anybody out there?

The harsh reality of my life is that physically I'm damaged from a damn truck hitting me, but worst of all is that emotionally I am starting to become damaged. I am so alone in this world. I have a few friends, but nobody to share my life with. My desire of life has always been to find the perfect woman for me. Somebody to tolerate my crazy mind and excitable ways. I am starting to wonder if the woman for me exists. She loves the Lord first, then me, children, and down the line. Shares her emotions and respects mine. Funny, with the ability to laugh at life. Intelligent, but able to admit her ignorance. Loves me entirely with the understanding that I will love her till we die and she the same.
Does she exist? Is she out there? Hell, is anybody out there?

I suck at keeping up with this obviously

Lets see. Since the new year began I have been hospitalized for kind of loosing my mind, and have found nobody to share myself with. So far this year has not given me much to run with. At least I'm alive so automatically that makes it a good day.