It has been so long

I can't even think of where to begin. I guess that that would actually be it.

My life is full of physical pain, but filled to the brim with the emotional and spiritual knowing that all is part of the Lords plan and if given to him, valuable.

I had my beautiful daughter here with me for half of her summer break and it was wonderful. My physical being couldn't do what we use to, but my mind allowed me to find plenty of other ways to enjoy our time together (that, and her being so willing to do anything as long as it was with me). I am so very very lucky to have such a wonderful little girl.

Sadly, I also lost my wonderful puppy and Best Friend. I had to put her to sleep after she had been hit by a car. I was so very blessed to have her. She was who made me try so hard every day to not let my physical problems keep me from getting up. I thank the Lord that he brought her to me and will never ever forget how lucky I was to have her in my life.

I also had an unexpected meeting with my High School Sweethearts parents. Let me start by saying that they live in the D.C. area. 9 years ago, Jessica (My High School Sweetheart) died in a car accident a month before we planned on getting married. Also, important to know that she is not the mother of my daughter (long story). I hadn't spoke to hear parents since she died. They saw me and we had lunch at the Charlston Exit on 90 in Mass. It was great catching up with them and sad all at the same time.

Well, its late and I will hopefully be on again soon.

Oh, and as I have said before. If you happen to read this and want a very entertaining Blog you should find Elizabeth Downing's Site. Always worth the Five Minutes.

When the time comes

Where will you be when the time comes?
Will you be with loved ones, or all alone surrounded by many?
Will those you love know how much you loved them?
Will you have accomplished all the things you wanted?
Will there be any secret you wish nobody would find out discovered?
Do you know where you are going?

When the time comes make sure you left nothing you wanted to do not done, so do them while you can. When the time comes make sure you told all the ones you love that you love them. When the time comes make sure you where open and honest with the ones you love so that there won't be any dark secret that they painfully discover. Most importantly make sure that you try your best to live right by god and for god that you will know that you have been forgiven and know where you will be going when the time comes.

Celebration

I often wonder why we wait for specific events to have a celebration. Why not just throw a party for the simple fact of celebrating that we live? I think I am going to do just that. A party simply to celebrate that we are alive. Any ideas for decorations and food?

A walk in the rain

As the rain falls and covers the earth in a layer of moisture, a walk makes me remember that we all have rainy days. With those days you have an option to seperate yourself from the outside or take a nice walk. I hope you all walk

With in my Realm

As hours become days become weeks become months and then eventually years, I strive to achieve the most from my life. I read as often as I can about anything and everything. I attend church and try to help others in anyway I can. I pray that my physical being becomes what it once was or at least close. I pray that I keep my sanity in the midst of my own frustrations. I also hope that I can be all that I can be for all the people who mean something to me. This is all with in my realm of possibilities.
You must never quit and always strive for being the best you can be. Strive to have the best of the best of everything you want, and mostly strive to be the best that the Lord would want you to be. This is all with in my realm of possibilities.

A Fleeting Moment

Well, I have to say that I enjoyed having somebody to talk to and get to know. Sadly, I can tell she is not the one I see in my future. Great, but just not perfect. Perfect is not that she will have no faults, but perfect that she will be perfect for me. I am tired of the search, yet I haven't really been searching. I wonder if Ms. Rightforme is ever going to be discovered.

A good morning thought and challenge

Have you ever wondered why some can seem to have everything they want go their way and others seem to have everything they try go wrong? Is there really such a thing as luck? Do you have good luck, bad luck, or no luck at all?

I am challenging myself and you to stop, take a deep breath, and give something crazy a shot. Maybe take a chance this weekend on a trip you have thought would be fun but never have tried. Call a few friends and go dancing or sing karaoke. Just do something you have never done. Worst that is going to happen is that it isn't something you would do again, but at least you have finally tried.

Scared or am I a chicken

While on a visit to New Hampshire last week, I met a lovely young lady. From across the Restaurant I saw her and was instantly taken. Now let me make it clear that I find many woman attractive in this world, but very rarely does somebody make my heart skip a bit. I was with my Brother and His wife and made a comment to my brother about it. I never have had issues with meeting very nice women, but for over a year I have not had any that made a spark. I have found some very interesting and enjoyable but really only know them from a computer contact stance. This, now this was different for me. Awhile later my brother and I stepped out for some fresh air (a.k.a. smoke), and out comes the before mentioned woman. My brother simply looked at me and said "On that note I will see you in a little while". I knew he expected me to finally try to talk to her. Nervous at first being that she was with several friends I proceeded to speak to all of them. Quickly it became a conversation for mostly the two of us (careful to not exclude others, but them making the move to make it her and I). So as the night progressed we talked about many many things and I found myself completely in a trance by this woman. Amazingly beautiful, funny, smart, and successful at what she does. We found that we had many common enjoyments (especially the Red Sox's). As the night continued found ourselves just letting go to the evening. I had so much fun (also found myself staring into the eyes of somebody I would really like to get to know better). When the night was coming to a close I got her number and asked If she would like to have dinner that Wednesday. She agreed and I walked she and her friends to the care, as they all were teasing her and calling me Eye Candy (which obviously I took to be very complimentary). I kissed her goodnight- a move I never make when just meeting somebody. I went to my Brothers house and hung out for the remainder of the night unable to stop thinking about her.
The next day we were texting and speaking on the phone numerous times. The connection I was feeling was one that I am unfamiliar with. Enjoyable and scary at the same time. The next day, being Monday, she had work and then called me to ask if I were in my Hotel room and if she could come say hi. Of course, excited by the chance to see her again, I said yes. She came by while on her way to the gym and ended up spending over an hour with me just talking. She had to let me know that her Job was sending her to DC for the rest of the week the next day and would have to reschedule the dinner night. She would be returning Friday night but I was leaving Thursday night to return home for doctors appointments. Understandably canceled I was still excited that we had another chance to see one another before I left.
We have spoken and texted each other every day since and speak on the phone every night. Very few people do I desire talking to on the phone, but it is something I look forward to every night. I can't help but call her beautiful all the time (example: Hey Beautiful, not just telling her she is beautiful. I use it more like a name) and she calls me Sweetie and Sexy. Its funny thought, I am so scared that I am really starting to like her, and worried that it might not be the same. Why? I don't know. The calling me every night and sweet names should make me confident, but I am so scared of getting some how hurt I am feeling like running away. My heart is saying just see what happens and my head keeps saying what the hell are you doing. Going on only two weeks, I am not saying that I am in Love or anything, but I am definitely finding myself unable to stop thinking about her.
Why is it that I feel the urge to jump ship before its even hit an Iceberg and sinking? Why can't I just stop thinking and let what will happen happen? I just need to get out of my own head and way and trust the Lord to show me if this is right or wrong. I need to trust that if she finds herself not interested that she will just be open and honest and tell me.
I will tell you though, she is pretty darn awesome so far. My heart still skips a beat just from her calling and texting me, and when I kissed her and hugged her it felt like time managed to just stop and my heart stopped along with it. I can't wait to have some time to get back up there and finally have a real date night. I have never had such anxiety in meeting somebody and excitement at what may lay ahead. I have for a very long time always viewed my dating experiences as making a new friend. Almost all of the women I have dated are very close friends and I've been the guy to simply show them how a man is to treat a woman (not trying to sound conceded, but most men have forgotten that being a gentleman is what makes a real man). This woman on the other hand makes me think that maybe I am not destined to be alone. I'm not saying that it is her, but at least I see real possibility.

Never Ending

So, I have told the story before of how last year I was struck by a truck and have suffered some severe nerve damage. Now, Workers Comp has decided that because I am only palliative and not curable they are going to just leave me out to dry. New Jersey has the worst WC Laws of any state. They protect the company and allow them to mistreat injured employees. The one thing they didn't count on is that I don't ever quit. I will get better eventually. I will win my case. I will also get back to being the boss one day again soon. My big goal though is to be the extremely physically active man I once was. I have the blessing of being able to savor life and I will not let that go.
This process of recovery has felt never ending and without all my friends, family, and the Lord I can't say that I would be able to stay this strong.
Take a moment and remind those you love how much you love them, then get out there and savor all life has to offer. You never know when it can all be taken from you.

When is it just Dating or a Couple

Have you ever met somebody who at very first glance there was a spark? As you get to talk to them you realize how much you also have in common. What makes the difference between dating and being a Couple? How long do you need to be together before that can be decided (does it even matter how long)? Is the man responsible for making that first leap for more, or does he wait on the woman (Lets face it though ladies, we guys are pretty stupid and mostly are scared of rejection)? How does one know if somebody is truly into them? Is it because they call and text everyday just to talk to you? If they call you sweetie, or sexy, or babe is that a clue?
All these questions and how many of us can actually with out hesitation say they can answer any of them? Please let me know what your thoughts are.

So very Funny

I have this very brilliant woman I follow on her Blog. She writes about pretty much anything but every Wednesday has a "THOUGHT". So far I have never been disappointed with anything she has written, actually always finding it funny and insightful. She will just as easily Speak of Dating topics as she will poke fun at herself. I find it very enjoyable. I will ask her if it will be okay to put her info up, cause it is well worth your time.

The Funny thing is...

How much humor do you find in your day to day life? Do you laugh often, or not often enough? Do you try and find humor in things or what for just the obvious?
I have noticed how many people walk around with an almost scowl like expression on their faces and wonder what could possibly be keeping them from smiling (cause scientifically true that a smile is easier than a frown)? I sit a silently contemplate (well, usually silently) why people or lacking even just a little grin. I have come to the conclusion, with nothing at all to back it up, that most have simply let go of trying to savor and enjoy life and figure they will do that when they retire or the weekend or something. I just can not for the life of me understand why anybody would ever want to spend the majority of their life just pushing through and getting by. Even before health issues, I have always tried to live in the moment, love all, and enjoy everything. I have never stayed with a Job if it became boring simply because of a paycheck. Money means nothing if you are so unhappy you are unable to really enjoy it. Actually, until the accident the continuous search for a job I truly enjoyed always seemed to pan out for the best in regards to greater pay and a better understanding of things I like and dislike in regards to working environment (I know that was a long running on sentence).
Remember to smile everyday. Laugh everyday. Love everyday. Promise that if you do life no matter the situation you are in will improve at least a little.

When do you know, or how do you know?

How many of you have had somebody you wondered if they might be interested in you (weather or not you were) and could just not put your finger on it? Which sex do you think is more obvious of there intent towards somebody they like? How, if at all, would you try to get the answer to the question of their feelings for you? Bold and Brazinly just ask? Or, do you just poke around and hope the answer comes about?

Putting in the time

We all have friends and family who we wish we could see a little more often. Are you willing to wake up an hour early and go to breakfast? Maybe, take a two or three hour drive to see them and the same drive time back, just for a couple hours with them? How about your spiritual relationship? Do you go to church regularly or just on the holidays? Do you converse with him daily or just when you are in need of something? Have you ever just talked to him on a daily basis and thanked him for both the good and the bad? Have you attempted to read to hear his reply to a question you have been wrestling with?
On both topics I recommend really trying to make the time needed to strengthen your relationships. The rewards for those efforts are truly worth it.

Fleeting Moments

How many of us had had a moment in time that we wish we could have paused and enjoyed a little longer, or worse rushed through and then realized what we had just missed? I am one who believes that we should savor all that life gives us, but still will catch myself speeding through an event and then realizing that it could have been so much more.
I challenge you to spend a week finding opportunities to stop and really really live in the moment and enjoy every little detail. See what a difference it makes in your outlook on life, but also how much more there really is to life.

Another Karaoke Song

Hey everybody. I hope you are all getting to enjoy some of this beautiful weather. I went to Karaoke again last night and thought I would put another song on here. Really, let me know what you think.

Me singing Karaoke Baby

You know, there is just something so fun about doing karaoke that I can't explain. Drinking at once was the only way I could do it, but know I can finally do it sober. Take a listen and let me know what you think. The song is "Wicked Game", by Chris Isaak. Second Sexiest video ever made. The sexiest video I have ever seen is actually just with Tim McGraw sitting across from his wife Faith Hill in the "I Need You". If you have never watched the video, you really should. Tell me what you think about that too. Don't forget to tell me what you think of my singing. I am always looking to hear from you.

It's been awhile

So, I have been thinking to myself how quickly time goes by and how as a kid you never understood what your parents meant by time flies. Sucks. As a kid people would say that they slept wrong and I would always think, what kind of idiot screws up sleeping. Now I realize I am one of those idiots. Time Flies by and 10 years ago feels like yesterday, and now I can agree with them. It sucks getting older, but at least I look good doing it :}. Well, I hope that who ever might be reading this is having a wonderful time and that their life is treating them to beauty and lots of love.

Dance

If you have somebody who is your significant other take a moment and put on some soft and enjoyable music that you can dance to. Light a few candles, pour each of you a glass of wine and take time to hold each other close and dance. Dance in your living room, in the kitchen in the middle of doing dishes, or walk up behind him or her while they do laundry, pull them close, kiss their neck and dance like you may never be able to hold them close and dance again.

Is she out there?

At almost 33 years on this planet, I have had the pleasure of Dating amazing, beautiful, funny, intellegent, and loving women. They are all so very special, but only one ever made a room lite up every time I say her. Made my heart skip a beat every time I touched her. Made me feel as if I were invincible just by being around her. Every women I dated have amazing qualities and will make some man very lucky, it just wasn't me. As soon as that realization ever came, I would automatically break up, cause I don't believe in stringing somebody along, and am a very passionate man who wants the fairy tale, with the hard work that goes with keeping it like that.
After Jess passed away, I lost focus on what and whom I wanted, because I thought she was gone. I believe that there must still be Ms. Right somewhere though, I just haven't met her.
So any women out there who might read this tell me what women really want from a Man. Tell me the best way to meet and approach women. I have never had problems meeting them or getting dates, but believe you can always improve yourself and this is one area that I need lots of improvement.

Direction

How many of us truly wake up and know exactly what we want to do today and are able to do it? How many wake up knowing what they have to do and are excited by it?
Having direction weather ours or somebody else's is something most of us take for granted. We forget that without direction usually we don't go anywhere. I feel that my life has been a bit directionless as of late and feel that it's time to change that. Time to put back into place my old directions and manipulate them to better fit what and where life needs them to be. Direction in ones life is so very important otherwise you become so very stale and bored.

A good morning thought and challenge

Good Morning you wonderful world of exploration and potential. It is magnificent that spring is finally upon us. This winter seemed to last an eternity and had little benignancy. I observed very little this year and often found myself yearning for something new to explore. Both internally and externally. Having become very limited in my physical capabilities and potentiality I feel at a lost to discover outward and inward. Saying that let me assure you now that the weather shall allow me to be out and about with a little more ease and more often, my excitement is rejuvenated.
I challenge you to find some desire that you might have supressed and allow yourself to explore it. Have you always thought about carving something out of stone or maybe wood, but always worried that it won't turn out? Well, you can never know till you try, so try. Maybe it is to see the Sunrise on the East Coast and the Sunset on the West Coast in the same day (It is a lot of fun to do. I watch it rise in Boston, MA and set in Long Beach, CA), so why haven't you? Lets all take the time to not only love the ones around us, but also ourselves and really truly live life to its fullest. Even if our physical beings won't cooperate as much as we would like.

New Sleeping Pattern Tests

I for the majority of my life averaged no more than 4 hours a night of sleep and tried for no less than 3. 3 was not always successful, but very very rarely did I ever sleep more than 4. Now, at this point in my life, I have a very confused sleep pattern and am looking to start the search for a healthier and easier to obtain pattern.
The following are my new attempt to create a new sleeping pattern, giving myself an extra hour for falling asleep and waking: All options average 133 waking hours and 35 sleeping hours or 19 hours awake per day and 5 hours asleep
w=Wake & s=sleep
Option 1: Option 2: Option 3:
Sun-w7:30am w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Mon-s9:30pm w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Tue-w7:30am w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Wed-s9:30pm w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Thu-w7:30am w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Fri-s9:30pm w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm
Sat-w7:30am s2:30am w7:30am s2:30am s7:30am w12:30pm

I know that this seems as an odd Task to undertake being that most people are able to find a natural pattern, but that has always seem to eluded me. So, this is my attempt to finally find a schedule that my body and mind might finally agree upon. I will be starting with option 1 as of yesterday being the 7th of March 2010. I woke at 7:30am and will not go to sleep until 9:30pm tonight (should not be a problem, but funny how went you want to stay awake you can't and vise versa). After completing one week of each schedule I will move to the next option. If an option fails from being unable to keep to it, I will sleep any pattern for remainder of week and begin next option on the next Sunday. I will try to make sure I document how I feel and what observations of abilities and overall capacities I find. Bases for measuring capabilities will be to do my alphabet forward and reverse and keep track of average time as well as other consistent tests to mark my abilities. These task will also include physical requirements. Wish me luck and I know I will have fun, cause I have fun anytime I take on new crazy ass en devours. These are the times when I envisage myself to be a real scientist.

A daily Challenge

Hey there World. Today my grandmother died and was thinking to myself how many people I know never take the time to tell the people they love that they love them. So, my challenge for everybody this weekend is very simple. Choose at least 5 people that you love and care about and simply call them to tell them how you feel. It isn't a difficult task and one that can mean so much. This is something I have tried to do almost my entire life and would love to see others try it. Life is quick and there truly is nothing more important in this world than the ones you love, so make sure they always know how you feel. Don't assume they know, tell them.
I hope and pray that all who read this find themselves in a very good place and that the roller coaster of life is in the upward motion.

Daily Challenge and a random thought

Have you ever wondered what makes something a VALIANT effort instead of just regular effort? Must it be trying to accomplish something noble? Who would determine if something was truly a VALIANT effort compared to just regular effort?

So, my challenge for anybody who reads this today is to simply offer assistance to somebody. That could be getting the door for them, helping them put groceries in their car, or anything you can do to physically assist them. The key is that you must offer the assistance first, not just open the door, but ask if you could get it for them. After you do wish them a good day and give a true and sincere smile. Let me know what you did and how people respond. Hopefully one day somebody will actually try doing this stuff besides just me.

A challenge for the day and a quote to figure out what movie from

I hope that All who read this today are having an absolutely wonderful day. I have a challenge and maybe some of you will finally take it and report back as to how it went.I challenge you to engage a stranger in a short but meaningful conversation. Asking them how they are and one thing that you would deem personal but sharable. Tell us what you asked and how they responded. Don't forget to tell them to have a great day. And now for a quote. Lets see if you can get it. 1st person "Does your dog bite", 2nd person "No, my dog does not bite." 1st reaches down dog bites and he looks and says "I thought your dog doesn't bite", 2nd "But that is not my dog". Funny Funny Funny, very darn Funny.

Something Different

Have you ever found yourself looking around at your life and wondering what you can change without causing any real conflict to your life. Do you do something that could make a real change and cause some conflict if you think the pay out might be worth it? What if you can't determine if it will improve your life but are certain that it will make it better but definitely will cause a change? Do you make these changes?
As I sit here deciding what direction to take my life I am trying to determine what kind of sacrifices I am willing to make and which ones I am not. I don't have any relationship to worry about (meaning that of a significant woman in my life). That is an area I do want change in. I am not sure that the area I live in is where I want to remain, nor am I sure I want to return to any of the other places I have lived. Travel has always been such a big part of my life and know that that can not change. I have also been very much into living in the moment and exploring any and all opportunities this life can give. That is something I will not give up on either. Friendships are easier to maintain with the internet, mobile phones, and all the other means of communication that that is not a worry either. What I need and plan on doing over the next few months is to develop a life's mission statement and determine what I truly wish to get out of it.

Sleeping is awesome

It is so funny how somebody such as myself, who has spent their entire life avoiding sleep, now seeks it out. I have always thought of sleep as such a waste of time and really never needed anything more than say about 3-4 hours. Now at this stage of my life I have finally come to appreciate what it can do for you. I would like to thank anybody and everybody who prayed for me that I might get the sleep that I needed.

Desperate for Sleep

Okay, now it has become concerning. I have not slept in I can not even tell you how long now. I believe a week. I am really starting to loose it and am asking all who would to pray that the Lord allows me to escape the pain and my mind so that I might get the rest I so desperately need. If anybody else is going through similar issues I am praying for you as well.

Humor in lack of sleep

Well golly gee Wally, I have not slept in I have no idea how long anymore. I believe it is very good that I have never required much in the way of sleep, so my mind has been able to relatively keep itself together. Well, up until today. I have caught myself having strange daytime mental escapes. I was wondering only Famous people are considered to be assassinated and everybody else is just plan out murdered. Disturbing though, but one I had none the less. Than I have really been trying to figure out one of lifes biggest mysteries. What came first, The chicken or the chicken-hawk? And, if I were a cartoon, would I be a funny or action character? And what would I look like?
I have come to realize that sleep, as I have always suspected and felt, is a complete waste of valuable time, but how nice it can be.

Sleep is so elusive

Oh my goodness gracious. No matter what I try I can not get past this pain enough to get any sleep. I am truly starting to feel a bit disconnected from myself and am starting to become a little worried that exhaustion will get the best of me and make me worse for the ware. Not that I can imagine to much more that my body can do to me to make me feel any worse. But, as I always say. I am alive so automatically it is a good day and I have the Lord in my heart so it becomes an even better day. I am just asking that any and all of you please pray that the Lord might allow a small amount of rest. At least enough so that I may escape this feeling of insanity.

Daily thought and Challenge

I have often what women really want from a man. Do they desire a man who is capable of sharing emotion? How come so often though men who share their emotions with a woman they think of him as having issues. Does a woman want a man who is rugged, or does she want more of a modern, metrosexual type? I have started thinking about the type of woman I desire, and wonder if I would be her type in return.
I really would love to have somebody to dance with in my living room, hold close while watching a movie, or play flirty eyes with across the couch while we work or read.
If you have somebody you are sharing your life with, I challenge you to do something completely spontaneous and out of the norm. Now, if you are like me and have nobody currently to do this with. Be adventurous and approach somebody you otherwise would not normally and see about getting coffee.

Insanity

It has been quit a few days since I have been able to sleep. The pain makes it so that I can not even get a little rest lately. This is funny though. Last night I let my dog pepper out while I was smoking. She would not leave the porch because of the snow and I looked down at her and said "You should go the bathroom before I go in." Suddenly at that exact moment I heard, "I don't really want to." Thinking that I had just officially lost my mind and looking back down at her, I said in a very scared and nervous voice, "Whhaaat?" Then, suddenly from behind me I heard a voice again and realized my neighbor had come outside and was on her phone. I started laughing and realized how terrified I had become that my dog had just spoken. Exhaustion can play really very funny tricks on your mind.

Crack Up

Have you ever caught yourself laughing and can't even explain it to yourself why? I laugh for all sorts of reasons, but my favorite is when I have no reason at all. I laugh from stress, anger, sadness, and obviously from something funny. The idea that laughing is infectious is great. Add a smile and a laugh to any face and you have beauty. When was the last time you laughed? Was it at something, yourself, or for no reason what so ever? When was the last time you made somebody else laugh? When was the last time somebody made you laugh?
Tomorrow as your day goes by, see how many people you can get to smile. The following day see how many people you can get to laugh. Can you get 10 people to smile? Can you get 10 to laugh?
Do you have any sure fire ways to get people to smile and laugh?

My Baby is so funny

Can she be any more funny. She is crazy "just like her dad" as she always says.

Inbetween Moments

Caught in the middle of neither here nor there. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. These things are said when life gets difficult. The negatives people speak of in there life just provokes more negativity. Why do we do that to ourselves? I thought the human being was suppose to try and improve itself and its environment? So why do we just keep digging our holes bigger.
I am simply at the beginning of a new adventure. The possibilities have just become larger. I am only going to use positives. I have always been one to look on the brighter side, and I am not going to let that slip away.

Morning Thought and a small Challenge

I woke this morning thinking about creating something from stone. Have you ever sculpted something? Painted a picture, or wrote a poem? I challenge myself and anybody else, to try something creative over the next couple of days, and post it. So, lets see what I make and I'll show it to you when I am done.

How do you find them?

Do you have a picture of the perfect person for you? Are they faceless? It is so strange to have dreams about somebody I have never met and enjoy the dream (except for the faceless part). I have the perfect woman imagined, not perfect in everything just perfect for me. How do I find her though? Do I just keep moving forward and hope she shows herself? Do you believe that when you meet them you know it instantly? Could I already know her? All these questions can drive you insane weither you are searching for Ms. or Mr. Right.
I have decided that the best way to find her is not to look. When you search for something you often times look right past it. So, for the sake of my sanity I am going to leave it to fate. Well, to an extent. You always need to do your part to insure it happens.

Working on a PLAN

I try to take stalk of my life by reviewing it. So many things I have accomplished and yet so much left I wish to achieve. Does my physical issues stop me ever being able to capture my dreams, or do I push through and take them anyways? I have always wanted to be with a woman who loves me. When I say that, I mean truly truly loves me for me. Somebody who supports me, inspires me, comforts me, and who loves the fact that I will do the same for her. Is that a goal? I think it is as much as a goal as striving to raise my daughter knowing that I love her unconditionally and desire only the best things for her. To teach her how to be self-assured and confident without crossing the line into arrogance. To be somebody who views the world as something wonderful. Leading her in respecting and taking care of others.
I want to be back into really good physical condition. To be good at everything I try, because I try. Can you tell me how you keep your focus?

Captivated

Has something ever just so excited you that you would have said you had been captivated by it? That feeling that you are witnessing something that most will never be able to understand or ever see. I have been watching the Olympics and realized why and for the first time, people get so into them. You are viewing history often in the making. It might never change the course of war, cure something, but it will inspire.
What have you done to inspire others? Has anybody ever truly inspired you?

My Puppy Sgt. Pepper

I am aware what a dork I am at times, but thats just me.

A good morning thought and challenge

I just finished the other posting and thought to myself that I am going to start writing every morning (hopefully, might be late morning) my early morning thoughts, but include a challenge. Now, I got this Idea from a very talented womans blog sight. Every Wednesday she has these posting simply titled "Wednesday Thoughts". She is so very humorus and often easy to relate to (Not to Girl oriented for my taste). I am not looking to do the exact same thing obviously, but when I just finished it was what made my mind think that it would be what makes me continue.
Now, if ever somebody cares to do any challenge I would find it awesome if from time to time you would comment on how it went or maybe a new challenge for us. Have a great day and hope that you see the beauty of the day.

What does this day have in store for me?

Okay, I'll be honest I had zero sleep. Pain was just to much and it has kept me up. I tried to sleep having nothing on to distract me. Oh well, luckily it is so very rare for me to be tired from it. My tired is just from what is physically exhausting. I will say that it is always nice to have a new opportunity with a new day. I see so many who take for granted life, love, and everything in between. When you wake thank the Lord for the Bad or difficult things as well as the Good. Praise him for the breath in your lungs and the beats of your heart. Thank him for the people you are able to love and those who actually choose to love you in return.
I am excited to see what shall come to me today. Will it be difficult? Will I meet somebody new?
I challenge you to do at least one random act of kindness everyday and say hello to at least two strangers today.

Is Humor my defense

I am always being referred to as a very funny person and started to ask myself why everybody would think that. It strikes me that I find humor funny. What? Things I think of I often ask people. Example you want, well you can have. I was pondering recently what would happen if all the people in the world were to all jump at once, so I asked everybody I talked to for a week (well with some I guess other strange questions). Like who would win in a fight, Taco vs. Burrito?
I find it funny how with OCD, ADHD, and RSD as things I suffer from that I still can't make my own initials work SMO (Stephen M. Oakes) sounds like I'm a sucker. Wait, I think I had a point at one time here but lost it, oh well time to at least try for a little sleep. My puppy little miss SGT. Pepper is waiting.

Onset of an evening and the braking of Morn

I watched as the sun started to lay her face behind the ridges of the mountains. Praised her and God for the glorious colors she lights the sky with as she departs from us for her short while. Watching blues turn to pinks, reds, purples, oranges, and every color but green. I wonder why she has never used a green that I have ever seen. Is green a color she allows earth to share. I thank God and her for saying goodbye to us like that and Love that she reintroduces herself every morning with an amazing area of colored light show again.

How far is it?

Remember when life was simple. Childhood offered so many beautiful ignorances. Yet all we wanted to do was grow up. As an adult I often hear people say how they wish they could be a kid again. Not me, yes there was some good points, but I think we can still have them. I enjoy cartoons, real funny movies, and when physically possible playing in the tunnels at Chuck E. Cheeses. Next time you and some friends are near a play ground, stop and play Lava (you know, when you play tag, but can't touch the ground, cause it's LAVA). Play hopscotch, buy a slinky and see if you can get it to go. Play marco polo. Remember that being playful is what childhood should be about. Be carefree as often as possible. Remember that what you are stressing about can't be improved by stressing and most likely that situation won't even be memorable, so let it go. Make your life have good memories, cause it is all in your hands. God has given a beautiful life and the ability to make what we can of it. So, how far away is childhood, as far as your desire is.

Somebody else

As I have been going through other bloggers, I have discovered a few that are obviously very intellegent and creative. It is wonderful to see what people have to say and how they do so. I came upon one in particular who I find to be very funny, (if you would like to know just ask). They write of many random things, but have the ability to keep it all very cohesive. They are such a talented writer also very attractive from their picture. The thing is is that they are so funny I find myself reading through older ones. I am still so new to this and have not yet found my pace or voice. I also hope to be able to have anybody who might stumble across this help me as I try to create a very personalized site. So if you know how and feel up to helping email me @ jamesdean5s@yahoo.com.

What can be fun and what can I give her

Spend the day going to bookstores and sit in the cafe reading
Take the puppy for a long hike.
Surf, Skate your Long Board, Snowboard, or Bike
Eat a whole B&J chunky munky with nobody taking it away
Watch the same movie twice
Come to think about it, you can do everything and anything by yourself, but it is almost always so much more fun to share it with somebody. Man oh Man, I am such a sap, no wait, I am simply overly romantic. The reason I probably have nobody. I can't even start a relationship unless I know that romance will be a major part of it.
I can promise devotion, compassion, passion, truth, faithfulness, to never call a name (cause you can never take it back), Love, loyalty, Being a Man (and a sexy one at that), and a creative, motivated, and absolutely funny person. The problem I just can't to find somebody who can give me the same (well, except for the Man part I want the WOman). Also faith is so very important to me. He comes first than Ms. Perfectforme.
If anybody reads this, and think of a lovely woman, who must be single, pretty, funny, and intelligent, have her call me. If you don't keep life open to possibilities you will never get what you want.

What is in Store?

I just don't have a picture of what life might have in store for me anymore. I can't say that that is a bad thing, just unusual. I think of how my desire is to find Mrs. Rightforme, Restore my health some how, and just move forward. Right now having the physical issues has made my life feel as if it is in a hold pattern. I am such a unusually Optimistic person and have had a little difficulty lately keeping that up. With out somebody special, besides obviously my daughter, family & friends, I mean the other half of me, I feel that there is a space or void in my life. The weird part is that I never have had that feeling before.
I wonder what the Lord has in store for me in regards to where I shall live, what company I will create, and how I might help others. I am alive though so possibilities are still endless.

Off to the Docs

I am off to my Doctor of Pain Management as I do every month. It is heart wrenching most of the time because all it ever seems to be anymore is getting my scripts. I don't want to have to take these meds anymore, but I'm afraid that if I didn't I would never be able to get out of bed ever (even though I have days when I'm stuck anyhow). I pray that he will have some new ideas for me. Keeping my prays high and my fingers crossed. My buddy Bob will drive like usual. I can drive myself only very short distances.

My Brothers & Best Friends

Looking around

So I have been exploring other blogs and have found that mine is severely lacking. I just have no idea how others do it. I guess I need to start putting some effort in mine. Really though, not another soul has every treaded on my site. This is for me to try and work things out for myself, but it could be fun just to make it as cool as I can.

The Pain of just being here

I can't stand this anymore. I've been in 24/7 pain for over a year with no improvement just gets worse. I can't do anything but try to not end it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Will I ever find Her?

I have always wanted to meet the love of my life. I had the perfect one for me years ago, but the Lord called her home. Since then I've looked everywhere and still haven't found her. I want someone to grow old with, to love with all I am who can give the same back. Maybe its not my time but I hope soon

At this point in my Life

You know at this point in my life I've done so many things wrong, I'm not sure I can do things right. I've had a rough life and haven't at this point in my life ever step out of the shadows while I look for my life. I've been climbing mountains but mostly stumbling down. Right know I do the best I can. Before I take another step or make any more promises, I need to forget about my past. At this point in my life I just need to make a significant change. The search for an honest life is all I really need wether I find it or not. I seek redemption, but the Lord has already given it. At this point in my life, how do I make something different of myself. Pain controls my every movement and resentment and confusion control my emotions. I want so badly to move on at this point in my life. Right know, I'm doing the best I can.

Is there anybody out there?

The harsh reality of my life is that physically I'm damaged from a damn truck hitting me, but worst of all is that emotionally I am starting to become damaged. I am so alone in this world. I have a few friends, but nobody to share my life with. My desire of life has always been to find the perfect woman for me. Somebody to tolerate my crazy mind and excitable ways. I am starting to wonder if the woman for me exists. She loves the Lord first, then me, children, and down the line. Shares her emotions and respects mine. Funny, with the ability to laugh at life. Intelligent, but able to admit her ignorance. Loves me entirely with the understanding that I will love her till we die and she the same.
Does she exist? Is she out there? Hell, is anybody out there?

I suck at keeping up with this obviously

Lets see. Since the new year began I have been hospitalized for kind of loosing my mind, and have found nobody to share myself with. So far this year has not given me much to run with. At least I'm alive so automatically that makes it a good day.